Jab Luv Hua, Ka Gajab Hua!

Another V day of Sethi Sahib’s life. 26th to be precise.

I have already wished three guys a very happy Valentines Day and have been wished back by two.

Yes!! You are right! I am talking about guys here and even among them; one of the folks is yet to wish me back. Things are going down every year J

And like all the previous years of my life, I hope May this would be the Nadir of all V days of my life before I could reemerge like a phoenix from Ashes next year. But trust me its getting worse over the years.

Quoting frm Ghalib Sahib
“ Hazarron Khwaishein Aisi ki har khawaish pe dam nikle
Bahut nikle mere armaan magar phir bhi kam niklei”

And for those of you whose understanding of Urdu is like Lalu Prasd Yadav’s ability to do a hip shaking Salsa , just forget about it because what I wish to convey through the couplet above is a simple fact that I have been screwed up royally without fail on this day for past many years.

So today I just sit around and indulge myself in a task which is a favorite pass time and one of the very few sources of entertainment in rather dull office lives of IT techies.

It’s called a DP meet or the Defect Prevention Meeting. I don’t know who invented it but trust me when I say it’s a piece of sheer fun. To be precise. sometime in the week when all the women less , dumb wits geeks in office have nothing else to do, specially on occasions like V- Days, they all huddle together in a room and talk about all the defects they purposefully or non purposefully injected in the project and the prevention of them in future. Well the prevention never happens and defects never cease but we do come out with a date for new DP meet.

So let me analyze in this meet all the past V- Days of my life and where all the defects were injected.

Well I came to know about this big day in standard 9th. Yes you are once again right. I am a retarded and rather late starter kind of guy and I am the one whom Darwin’s refers in his famous book “The origin of species” as the species who loose out in the race of selection of fittest because of slow growth as compared to others.

Today my friends four year old nephew goes to his kindergarten class with a rose for her Valentine on 14th and making me feel like an idiot who uses all the three life lines on very first question of KBC and still gives the incorrect answer.

Any ways, going back to standard 9th once again. It was a school picnic and everyone was huddled in a bus and taken to a theme park “Fun and Food Village” located in the Outskirts of Delhi on the same dreaded day. February the 14th

Now after I have had with my Chicken Briyanis and making double visits on all possible rides present there and justifying my “value for money” Punjabi instincts I finally decided to join the rest of the guys from class on the dance floor in the remaining last 10 minutes before we head back. I thought after 3 plates of Chicaken Biryaanis and two scoops of Butterscotch ice creams it would be a digestive idea to shake a leg,

But when I reached the stage I was shocked to see everything turned pink and red around me. The Ninth standard history lecture last week told me Red was the color of communist and I was pondering what the fuck made communist danced with red roses in their hands in front of blood red heart shaped balloons.

I thought may be its some new form of communists protest so instead of the sickle and hammer as their political symbols they have shifted to heart and roses.

I had the same expression of clueless ness which John Abraham carries in all his movies, a gawking look, an open mouth and face which can only say- what the hell am I supposed to do in this scene.

I asked one of my friends who seems to be enjoying his company with communist as what the hell was going on. What are these guys and girls freaking about. And he looked at me as if I have just asked him as if Maalika Sherawat and Raakhi Sawant are starring in the next remake of Jai Santoshi Ma as the leading ladies.

But the Einstein inspired geek inside me was determined to know about it. Einstein said “There are no stupid questions, there are only stupid people” and so I was determined to know what these stupid communists were up to. My questioning determination was only matched by Himesh Reshamiyaas determination to sing, no matter what part of the body the voice comes from.

Next 60 minutes back home were spent in taking gyan about this big day and how to get color blind by pink and red colors on this maha auspicious day.

Well with all kinds of right Gayn stuffed in my thick mind, I was eagerly looking forward for this day, next year but then next year I discovered that there is a monster known as Board exams that awakes from his sleep and enters in the life of the weakest species like me in the Darwins book during class 10th. And we, the weakest link in human genomics have nothing else but a dreaded fear about them which makes us unworthy of performing any other tasks during those days. So the V day in class Xth was sacrificed as my ode to the preboard Sanskrit exam. I didn’t even realized when the colors became red and pink as the only red color I saw were on the multiple crosses on my Sanskrit answer sheets which made even the History teacher doubt of my Indian origins.

But life was never the same after that, once I got past Sanskrit, the flood never stopped.
Sometimes it was Physics and sometimes Chemistry. College years were spent in constant fear of Real analysis, Compiler designs and advanced data structures.

It was like mans entire knowledge accumulated over the years was discovered and penned down in books and subjects just so that I may never get to know the significance and feel of this mysterious day

It has been four years after my college now. I have worked decently hard and achieved that dream of working with computers. The kind of dreams that you write in your 3rd class Hindi essays, “mein bada ban ke doctor banoonga”. But I really suggest that a student should also be made to write essays like “Khushiyon ka Tyohaar -Valentines Day” so that nerdy geeks like me who have survived only on bookish gyaan can make those essays come true as well.

It is another V day in THE land of THE Amreeka where it was supposed to have all begin .Everything is red and pink again. Communists are partying. I have an Amareeki friend this time around and I ask him once again, what the fuck is this all about. He bursts out laughing as a direct consequence of my serious face and this weird question.

And I remember Einstein once again
There are no stupid questions, only stupid people

Happy Valentines Day!!