Why Sethi Sahib ?

Why SethiSahib? This question I have been trying to answer ever since I have set up this blog of mine. And what a better place than the blog itself to demystify it.

Well to answer this let me take you some 20 years down the line when I was around 6 years old and the only time I ever had a girlfriend.

Well I don’t exactly remember about her ( boys will be boys after all :-)) but my grandmother has done her level best in the following years that this story is made available to each and every homo sapiens she was acquainted on planet earth. I know if she would have known Yash Chopra, we would already have SRK enacting my role.

Well according to reliable sources her name was Monika Behl and my parents tell me she was crazy like anything about this six year old stud. We use to travel everyday in the same Tonga to school and according to my mom, I use to buy her Churans, candy’s after the school gets over. It amazes me how every mom keeps track of how much money her son spend on his woman. But yes, what a rich man I use to be in those days. Chauffer driven Tonga, pocket full of money and a girlfriend for company.

And then one day I could not make it to school, this lady got panicked and came running to my house and met my grandmother to ask her about my where abouts. Indeed she was crazy about me :-)

Standing akimbo on the door she asks angrily to my Grandma “Where is Sethi Sahib”
Grandma replied “He has gone to office” ,thinking she was asking about my father. The lady then said, “Not yours but mine Sethi Sahib”. What a romantic line , i cold have given anything for it but yes also an apt example of how possessive a lady can get about her man. My grand ma was so happy and proud of her lineage. The boy in the house has made her first girl friend and that too at tender age of six, breaking of all previous records of bringing your girl friends home. From then on the word “Sethi Sahib” stuck with me.

I have very beautiful first name and I am really proud of that but in last 2o years since that fateful morning I have been called in various flavors of my surname. Some call me Sethi sahib or Sethi sahab ,some takes it a tone lighter with Sethi ji or Sethi sir , office mails have me as Mr. Sethi and for close friends its plain vanilla Sethi .

So I have decided to dedicate this blog to all those who have ever addressed me by my surname.
And now if you are wondering what happened to the first lady of my life then to disappoint you all even I don’t know about her. My parents got the hint of things to come and they promptly shifted the residence to some other place within 3 months of that incidence and since then I live my life with the new identity she has christened for me.

That heavenly glow

Day is about to end
Winter breeze begins to flow
Cool, moist it’s a full moon night
Descends down, that heavenly glow

Freeze I am,
Falls from sky fractals of snow.
The search gets end, I tell myself,
Staring at that heavenly glow

Gold and yellow the colors she has
Warmth I missed begins to grow.
Magnificent, mysterious, magical she is
Covers me that heavenly glow.

I feel myself, myself she is,
A musical silence begins to flow.
Of flowers she smells, I feel so pure,
Made me complete that heavenly glow.

Years

Dawn strikes in sky,
Night is about to leave.
A year has just come to an end,
Another just begin to conceive

This year I never saw you,
But I watched you million times.
Every second that the clock hand moved,
You were imprinted on my mind.

This year I never touched you,
But I felt you million times.
Every time the sun spread it rays,
I found your warmth, in bright sun shine.

This year didn’t had your dark dense hair,
Neither had it had your pearl like eyes.
But like your darkest curls, night breeze covered my face,
Your pearls I saw, in stars up in sky

This year we did talked a lot,
We spoke some million times.
With words alone we built a small secret world,
In which I became yours and you became mine

Another year stands in front of us
This year, and year’s ahead even words might not come,
But deep down, our souls somewhere, a bond is formed
That shall always keep us one.

Roti Kapda Makaan & Bandwidth :


“India needs Roti , Kapda , Makaan & Bandwidth”, proclaimed a leading Indian daily. “Bandwidth ?” I thought for a while. I agree that the wedding season is in full swing and it’s a possibility that all the Marriage Bands in town are heavily booked but I had never imagined that this problem would have taken such an enormous proportion that the next thing people want after Roti , kapdaa and Makaan from Government of India would be bands for their marriage.

Even before I was able to come terms with it, my sixteen year old cousin came rushing and snatched the newspaper from my hands. “He is so cute naa!”. I thought she was referring to Hrithik at the back page but I was surprised when she pointed out to the photograph of the person responsible for the shocking headline above.

I have seen this guy. Yes! believe me, despite his huge side locks hiding every inch of his face . He has appeared in many other magazines and newspapers too, always demanding something or the other from the Government and this time this IT man has asked for bands for his wedding? After all he is one of the most eligible bachelor in the Indian IT industry as my cousin just told me.

“ So the whole thing is concerned with computers”, I said to myself and decided that its time for me to explore them. Not the cream colored box on my desk but instead Common Persons Understanding of Technology Emerged Recently.

And as I stepped out my eyes fell on the mouse pad lying on the table with lines “Even Lord Ganesha goes around the world on a mouse” printed on it. “ A good omen! ”, I said to myself. So gods too knew few things about computers and thus its high time for me to move ahead with this world.

Next day standing on the bus stop suddenly the person standing next to me questioned, “Are you trying to learn computers?” Shell shocked I stared at him. Is he the Lord Ganesha himself? Or a great saint just back from Kumbh?” I pondered or how else he knows what was going inside my mind. As I was about to fall on his feet I asked him “ How do you know my Lord?” Calmly he replied,” It’s a national hobby these days. Everyone is doing it.”
These words of wisdom could have come from the mouth of saint only.

I looked around and found two young men engaged in a heated conversation. The only words I was able to retain from the lengthy conversation were JAVA & H1B. I tried to clarified but the CV’s in their hands said “Languages Known: C,C++” and unfortunately I could communicate in English Hindi and Punjabi only .Perhaps JAVA was some kind of cult whose followers were blessed with H1B. Heaven Bound 1st, I suppose or in other words a quick way to Nirvana.

Totally bewildered I quickly boarded the bus and moved out. At the red light halt, I came across a board which said Your Government moves to E-Governance. ‘E’ was a grade which I use to get when I failed in my exams and I always rated the Government with the same grade . Whenever I see the deteriorating conditions of the city. But never in my wildest of dreams I could have imagined that the Government would accept it and that too with such a zeal that the whole city would be painted with boards proudly displaying the grade .

Totally confused I gazed around, a sticker in front of me read tavel@yourownrisk. And once again I encountered what else but the foray of Information Technology in everyday life or maybe the ultimate death I should say. Even the confines of a blueline bus were not spared.

And as I moved down , from the bus I knew computers are here to stay and India for sure needs Roti Kapda Makaan and Bandwdth , meaning of which I still don’t know.

SD

I will be failing in my duty if I deprive my readers from meeting another peculiar habitant of my society

We all call him SD. Please don’t confuse him with legendary musical director SD Burman whose songs have mesmerized many generations of Indians, In fact he has nothing to do with music in hundreds of kms of his existence but yes this chap is capable enough to take music out of your life anytime anywhere.

Factually SD is the initials of his name Savant Dhavle but they are also acronyms for Hindi word “SavDhaan”. Translated to English which means “Beware”.

SD is a 5 year old man. To anyone new in the society he seems to be an innocent looking kid, merrily idling away his time in the by lanes of the flats, looking with insatiable curiosity to the outside world. But that’s where his line of innocence ends.

And please note that look in his eyes is not of curiosity towards the world but if you ask an experienced guy like me, it’s the “I am a psycho, looking for my next victim” kind of look

And if you are wondering by now what’s so murderous about this five year old man, then imagine the following Scenario.

You enter a beautiful society. Near the garden you see a very innocent looking child with big dark eyes; hairs properly gelled with oil, busy in his own world. You remember your own childhood and magically you are pulled towards this chap. You say “hello” to him and that’s where your happiness ends as you have nailed the first nail in your very own coffin.

SD warms up and comes running towards you. He opens up his mouth with a mischievous grin and will begin with explaining some of the observations he has made in the last 24 since he has met you. You feel ok I can handle it. By this time he would have grasped your hand and would you drag to each and every coroner of the society elaborating upon all his philosophical thoughts. You still feel you can take it but now the sound of his voice starts climbing new heights, his pitch become shirker and words come out at a much rapid phase. You forget why you actually came to this place. SD will now be in full swing, even his language would change now, Language that no mortal can ever dare to understand and by any chance of luck, if you might try to do that, trust me you are doomed.

You try to move away from this words guzzling monster, but this monster won’t release you from his crutches, bombarding you with his meaning less but equally lethal words, sentences paragraphs pages and whatever lava his volcanic mind can produce. Finally you shrug away his hands with whatever energies left in your body and simply run away. SD will give you an athletic chase till the very gates of the society and as soon as you are out he will again suddenly transform himself into that innocent looking kid look, waiting patiently for his next victim.

It is said our society is one of the safest in the City. Its not that we employ one of the most sophisticated security systems available or we have the smartest of guards. But it’s because we have SD. There are many legends how SD drove away many of the furious thieves by bombarding them with the nucleic bomb of his explosive tongue. People in the society have also dedicated a song for SD: “Who Let the SD out?”

And Can you Believe it SD has developed special affliction towards me. I don’t even have to say hello to him. He waits for me every evening on the society’s gate. As soon as I get down from my bus and enter the building SD leashes out his entire day’s arsenal on me. I run for cover, towards my flat and SD gives me a full throttle chase. Finally I bang my door on his face a before I fall on the floor inside, deprived of all my bodily powers. And this happens to me everyday.

Books, Bike and Bachelorhood

Today I shall discus about an alpha bet which has been the most influential force through out every turning point of my life. And it’s not Ekta Kapoor’s “K” but it’s my very own “B”

I am sure if Ekta Kapoor read this piece, next time you will switch on your TV sets it will not be “Kyonki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi” but instead “Bahu kyonki saas bhi thi” or may be “Bahu bhi thi Kabhi saas”, or whatever crap she tries to package in most expensive Kanjivaram sarees on TV, the only funda being it will be “B” that would rule the list now.

Well to Begin with, my entry to this crazy planet was termed as “Birth” and I was launched here as “Boy” and boy I knew then and there that this alpha bet will play some important role in years to come.

And then I was “Brought up”. I n school my favorite grade was “B”. No matter how much I tried I was always stuck with that wonderful “B” s and there came a time when I realized that “dude even if you are the only one in class you will always land up getting “B””.

Like every growing boy, at one point of my life, I too desired of having a girl friend but surprisingly I would always land up in company of boys. Mine was a coed school but in the entire school mine was the only class sans any girl.

And then someone pointed out the word “girl” starts with “g” and the letter “B” of boys will always over power the humble “G”. I was destined to become a Bachelor, and you guessed it right, I did become a real good one.

In college I tried getting to “Arts but I landed up perusing “BE”. The B was now my constant companion and then I finally decide to have someone special in my life and I was happy her name started with B. Yes finally I fell in love and these were my Books. And unlike girls I can have them as many as I want without a complain from even single one of the.
Like all beautiful girls , they looked extremely inviting on the shelf and then once you start reading them page to page , uncovering the hidden mysteries you realize only one in ten was worth your time and attention.

It was time to enter the Buck making phase of my life and I knew before hand that apart from the receptionist on the door, it will be all guys world for me and how closer to truth I was, but this time even the receptionist was a heavily built male security guard. Good “G” was still eluding me.

But now I had a second lady in my life. I know you by now would have realized that it won’t be any real women but yes this time I was content having one unlike my polygamous existence with my Books.
It was my Bike.Her Beautiful Black Bulky Body would drive me crazy every time I ride on her.

My job Band was “B”, My appraisal rating showed “B” and even the most sought after onsite opportunity to US of A was not for me as I knew the only place I could go would be “ Bangladesh”, “Burma” and “Bhutan”.

I was coping up Bravely with all the Bs in my life and then I met a Buddhist monk who made a prophecy for me. “So what if you can’t have G for “girl friend” but one day you will have a most Beautiful, Bright, B for “Biwi” and from that day you will be a free man”

I hope the day comes soon but for now I am content with my Books Bike and Bachelor hood.

Yeh Dilli Hai -Part 2 :

Dellhiwallhas: And now few words about the people. It’s said that 50% of Delhites are VIP’s and rest 50% are known to VIP’s. A typical Delhi wallah is aggressive competitive, believe in getting the work done ( By any means off couseJ ) and loves to celebrate life in his own way by public display of wealth ,and emotions. He is open to everyone irrespective of caste, creed, region or religion the bottom line being it’s should be profitable for everyone.
The zeal, the highly energy levels and happiness from within is unmatched and he lives on the motto of work hard and party harder.
Another particular trait of Delhi Guys is their quest for networking, so next time u meet a Delhi wallha outside Delhi , probably the first question you would hear would be , “ Any more Delhi guys around here?”J
Politics : Well if Mumbai lives by Sensex then Delhi definitely lives by Sanasd . It’s a national hobby of every Dilliwala to dissect analyze and comment upon latest geo political scenarios and as mentioned above half of the Delhi population is VIP and rest are know n to a VIP every political move is taken close to heart J

Climate and Culture : Delhi is a city of extremes , If its summer , you sweat like the newly Inaugurated Dam with water rushing out from every pour of the body , And when its cold , the only difference you can find between the south Pole and Delhi is absence of Snow
There is no other feeling like sitting in A Rajai and sipping red hot Tomato soup and discussing India’s Politics with TV switched on at Full volume and a news reader reading out the entire day’s news in the back ground.
And in summers, taking a nap under the dense shade of a Neem tree in a community park ,after savoring safeda aam and playing a tiring match of cricket.

And some words about culture:, Its amalgamation of people from different region section and levels of society . Punjabi Boastfulness exists equally with the South Indian Intellect. Anyone who comes here become a Delhiwallah. Delhi is for everyone.

Delhi Music: Punjabi Pop rules, Karan Johar’s flicks sell like hot cakes, SRK is God and despite recent likings to English Rock , pop and Jazz .Venga Boyz and Daler still rules the wedding bands. In fact inclusion of any song in a Delhi Wedding band is the greatest honor the piece of music can get from people of Delhi

Delhi Weddings : One must attend at least one Delhi wedding in his life time.
They are the 5 days extravaganza , it begins with Kirtan or Jagran (A whole night public broadcast of your religious allegianceJ) , then there are ceremonies with peculiar names like Mehndi ki Raat , Mundoyoon ki Shaam( bachelor’s night) followed with wedding Baraat and ending with a reception with wine dine and dance.
Pages can be written about these wedding but one must watch out for specially Delhi Wedding Bands , mixing with ease Punjabi Pop and songs from latest bollywood block busters. “Taqila” and “Yeh desh hai veer jawanoon ka” are mandatory numbers
And At the end of the Barraat is a Maruti Omni van usually Driven by some one known as shoki, vickki or Bunty and has unlimited supply of liquor.
People come to back pep themselves up and go in front and dance till they drop in the front and then come back again .Also Never miss a sight of overweight ladies loaded with heavy weight ornaments moving hapzardly in 2 meters of radius in a zig zag fashion and describing these elegant movements as dance ,But yes it is something to be loved and admired for its sheer innocence and happiness.

To Conclude, Delhi is like a Bollywood superstar lot of show biz , lot of glamour, layers of makeup , multiple role plays , shades of white and shades of green , A couple of flops and number of hits but in the end even the bollywood star turns out to be a simple human in the night on his bed and do note that Delhi goes to bed a bit earlier than rest of India J.

Yeh Dilli hai - Part 1:

Delhi Food: One must have heard of the famous phrase Delhi belly”( Well I also proudly possess one :-)) , and the reason The Delhiwallas get their famous bellies is attributed to the delicious food that you are able to savor . Whether its mouth watering Kachauris, Bathure chholes and samosas or the famous Delhi Chaat, Delhi is definitely a Mecca for the food lovers

Special mention is also reserved for the sweets that Delhi offers to its food lovers. How can one forget The Ras malais, Dhoda and the Hot Gulab jamuns?

And the best part is its omnipresent availability. You walk out and chances are real hot that within 100 meters from your origin you would find a resta urant, a Hotel or a road side dhaba catering to your taste buds well within every kind of budgets. In fact Delhi’s Dhaba a culture is unmatched. Hot spicy Veg and non veg food, a chilled glass of lassi and Punjabi pop blaring at the highest decibel levels from a rickety stereo is definitely a out to heaven experience. If you are Food Connoisseur like me, grab the first opportunity to feast on royal Delhi Feast


Delhi Girls: Well going back to Delhi, has once again filled me with confidence that there is no dearth of beautiful girls in India and despite nearing 25 I still stand a good chance of getting married to a Soni Delhi Kudi.

Delhi Girls are one of the most beautiful creations of God you can relish on earth. The honor specially goes for the Punjabi Kudis, some of them may be low on the brains, and high on Ekta Kapoor serials but yes when it comes to dressing up no one can beat them.

I develop a special liking for the “ in fashion” Punjabi Salwars and low rise Kurtis
Another one that swapped me off the feta was a lady dressed in complete white colored chicken churridar Salwar and Kurta and a red colored Jaipuri chunni with it , A la kajol from KKHH. (Thanks to my Mom for telling me the names of the materialsJ)


Delhi as a City: The most admirable thing about Delhi is its openness . Mumbai has everything but it looks like that everything is stuffed in a cramped box , unlike Delhi where it is more spread out and open . The other thing noticeable apart from Metro gradually covering the landscape of Delhi are its the play grounds and parks .Even the flat in which I stay is surrounded by 2 green play grounds and huge community park spread in acres of land , now that kind of luxury you cannot ask for in place like Mumbai

Delhi is changing , its landscape the multitude of fly overs , the Spread of metro , the dwindling Blue line private buses but one thing that should change but is not happening is Delhi’s traffic
Nobody loves to Drive in the right way , its Ayan rand visible on the Road every where , “Me first”, without any concern to the fellow travelers , there is never a time I have gone back home and had not got a dent or two in my now aging Maruti 800 .

If u have driven on a Delhi road and not got stuck in the JAM ( Now restricted to few places) and not got your vehicle dented and missed out having a verbal duel with fellow road revelers , your Trip to Delhi remains incomplete