Kaisa Lag Raha hain ?

I have started following Indian sports once again. I stopped following them when Dada started scoring ducks for apparently no reason and Sethi Sahib scored a century of being rejected by women for apparently no reason.

Call it the overdose of Chicago bulls bears cubs and sox in amreekka that this Desi heart was yearning to see anything Indian from kabadi to cricket

And as I switched on my TV, I dawned upon a fact, that its even more entertaining to see Inidan sports than seeing the kangaroos making love on Australian grasslands and beemed live on discovery channel. Who needs James Bond and Britney spears of the world when your very own Indian sports world provides you with all action and comedy packed dramas you culd ever wish for.

It’s even more entertaining if you get you daily dose of sports update from likes of Deepak Chaurasiyas on any of the sabse tez channels with their ever perennial favorite question --- “aapko kaisa lag raha hain?” No matter, u have just escaped a bomb blast or your 199992922 film has gone flop or your neighborhoods doggy Tommy has died , they have only one question to ask in order to publicly display their journalistic histrionics “Aapko kaisa lag raha hain?”, thrusting their mike on your mouth as if they would dig out the words from your throat in case you are not able to vomit out something all by yourself

So while Deepak was collecting his shares of “Appko kaisa lag raha hain” of the day, I was having fun of my life watching states of the Indian sport

Deepak, given below are few words about Sethi Sahab ko kaisa lag raha hain.

Indian Women athlete won a silver medal in Asian Games and even before feminist could celebrate rise of Indian women on international arena ,suddenly the world realized that she is not even a women. I have always maintained a position that it’s difficult to understand a woman but never in my wildest of dreams I would have thought that it would be even more difficult to understand if the person is women or not.

And when Deepak asked a paanwalla on the street of kolkata ( It was one of those usual bandh days in amar sonar Bengal, so he had to do with paanwaalha) “ laalan ji aapko kaisa lag raha hain “ Lallan ji replied “Indian Male athlete ko Women race mein duadane ke baad bhi silver hi mila. Ka fayada. Bahut ajeeb lag raha hain” Insightful thought .Isn’t it?

And here is what, someone from the sports federation commented, we knew she had some gender problems but someone leaked it and so she got tested. Weird stuff !!!! If someone has not leaked that info, we would have proudly continued sending more such phenomenal athletes to International events.

And now finally Govt has come up with the best possible answer to this whole thing , I have always loved Govt babus for their extraordinary lateral thinking in matters of "save your face" crises. They replied back “Lady has not yet attained puberty yet. So her gender cannot be determined”

LOL .I ma not sure if Ministry of sports has ever made Biology as the compulsory subjects for its recruits.

***“ Humaare saath hain Shakespeare Ji . Shakespear ji aapko kaise lag raha hain yeh sunkar ki koi natak likhne mein aapse bhi accha likh sakta hain ************

Another of my favorite story was the Jaspal rana episode. Rana paaji came back home happily winning all the possible shooting golds admist dhol and bhangra on saadi delhi airport. On his successful return, Sports federation prpudly informs that Paaji is chosen as the best athlete of asian games. So far, so good. Rana Paaji promptly packs his bags again and reaches back to Doha only to discover that he was just nominated and someone else has won .

Man Rana Paaji would have felt same the same kind of loss and dejection that you would feel if you hear TV is showing Mallika Sherwat starrer in the evening.You are all set with Home delivered Pizzas and beer cans in hand with your entire guy gang all hooked and up suddenly you discover that President of India would render his address to the nation of eve of Independence day and movie is rescheduled for later time.

*******Humaare saath hain haal hi mein doha se laute Jaspal Rana Ji. Jaspal Ji aapko kaisa lag raha hain ******************


But I was really happy that at least Indian tennis is looking good. Paes and Mahesh won doubles gold medal in Asian games, I was happily looking n forward for their post match comments but what I heard, had a shocking value of similar waatage that you would get if you hear someone has bought Tickets for Tushaar Kapoor movies in black

Mahesh said “Paes made my life miserable in Asian Games”.
HELLO !!!
Is it because Paes being the captain chose himself to pair with Sania in mixed doubles and u missed all the chest thumping and body hugging parts.
Boys U have won gold, and are crowned tennis legends of Asia but are still fighting over a over sized women with nose pin . Grow up guys

*********Humare saath hain Sania mirja aur hum unse poochenge ki Sania yeh sunkar aapko kaisa lag raha hain ********************

And last but not the least how can we talk about Indian sports and missed out cricket and Sourav Da all together. Dada was back again in Team India. Forwards of dada Jokes mails were back again in circulation , but despite all that dada did made a come back inning. Yes He scored 51 in his long and boring “would-make-bowlers-frustrated-but-would-not-score-a-run- unless-they-ask-me-to-take-one” innings and scored pitcher full of 25 runs in his second innings .
And surprises of all with mere 25 runs, he was one of the lead scorers of the team , confident enough to say that he is the best batsmen in the team after Sachin who by the way scored even lower in the match.

******** Humare saath ab hain guru Greg. Guru greg aapko yeh sunkar kaisa lag raha hain ****************************

Lets not say anything about Indian Hockey . Any one can predict what would happen to the game if you give the reins of the hockey federation in the hands of women butt pinching Sardaar. Glorious Indian Hockey is not even amongst the top four Asian Teams.

The only good thing that happened was display of pelvic thrust happy dance of Sreesanth after he hit a six of the South African bowler who has been swearing at him for a long time He lost some percentage of his match fee but it brought the opponents to their right place.
That’s what I call passion, aggression and love for what you do and kicking the nut heads at their right places.

After all its passion, aggression, love and having fun is what, that makes life worth living for.

I hope Deepak is listening.

***** Humare saath hain Deepak aur Deepak aapko yeh sab sunkar kaisa lag raha hain *************

Driving Back to You!

Ending another day at office
I look at your picture on my desk
I collect my check and turn on the car
To see those beautiful eyes again
I am driving back to you

I heard you in the morning
U Comin out pure, fresh from bath
Me still lazing around in my bed
To hear that voice again
I am Driving back to you

Its snowing outside
I miss your smile in the seat next to me
Listening to that old song you like
To feel that smile again
I am driving back to you

The evenings of those times.

Winters were in ,
Sun was almost setting behind
Birds were chirping back in nests,
Beautiful they were, the evenings of those times

The light chill in breeze,
Sounds from kitchen in harmonicas rhymes
Cozy heater burning coils to red
Warm they were, the evenings of those times

The smiles in air,
Laughter from quilts like Musical chimes
Delicious soup turning hot on stove
Fulfilling they were, the evenings of those times

Stories from day unfold
Someone failed and someone passed with glorious shine.
But all were winners, when u come back home
Promising they were, the evenings of those times.

Hum Log!

Well returning to my blog after a long time. Feeling the same amount of happiness as Tushar KKKKapoor would feel once any one of his movies may finally gets accepted by the audience.

News on personal desk is than I am back from my India visit ,
As I was busy dating RK Sahib during my entire stay at home, I realized ,folks at home are in hell bent mode to find someone for this “running –away – from women – as- if – they –are – flu” chap. I am sure they wont have bothered if my neighborhoods Billoo wont have got married to our next door twinkle in just 23yrs of arriving on this earth . Or my Dads-> Sisters->Sister IN laws -> aunts-> daughter Pinky had not entered into wedlock at the age of 21.
Its peer pressure taking its toll every where.

But I guess 26 years of rejections by women has taken its toll – starting from my nursery teacher who always think I was better outside my class to my class mates in school for whom I was the strongest proponent of “ Girls – do well in school because they don’t have anything else to –do at home “ philosophy to my cousins who have always classified me as a lost beast from Nigerian jungle ( I wonder if Nigeria has a jungle) , to women in my college who didn’t even realized I existed and spent four years in campus , following with women at workplace who would always think I am a dignified gay in many years to come. The rejection count matches the number of hours spent by Uday Chopra waiting to act in a movie not directed and produced by his father or his brother.

The vibes that I share with majority of women are exactly similar to the vibes India and Pakistan share. The world wants something good to happen between them, but Pakistan ( read women ) will not even try to think love can blossom between the two of them. Dad!! Mom!!. U guys have a real tough task at hand. It’s like Asking Karan Johar to deliver a hit with Tushaar Kapoor in lead.

In office too when I told guys I was going home to celebrate Diwali , every one thought I had gone to get fixed up permanently with someone. No one here can believe that any perfectly normal bachelor can make a trip to home on personal expense just to celebrate Diwali . In fact when I was away a new phrase was coined for whoever was planning to get married soon as a consequential output of my trip

So sample this , First Guy ,“When r u planning to celebrate your Diwali?” Second Guy, “ Looking forward for April next year” Third Guy “ My Diwali not possible in next year too”

Suddenly I am receiving lots of telephone calls from relatives and from my parents friend circle with a set of questions for which I am planning to come out with FAQ and get it personally delivered to each one of them and also get it published right there as first page article in all leading national dailies .

Here are few of the questions “Beta aage ka Kya plan hain” and I am thinking well I plan to immediately bang this phone and go and watch a movie starring Tushaar kapoor and Uday chopra as the two leads. That should be less taxing on mind.

Another one of their favorite question is “ Beta kahaan settle hona hain” and I am like how about Mars as the place to begin with. I know human race would disown me if I don’t enter a wedlock so that’s the only palce left for Aliens like me.

I now share my sympathies with Manmohan paaji as I realize what it feels like when only agenda with the people around you is to decide whether and where all should SC/ST quota be implemented and you are wondering , with so many other important issues still to be solved then why the world around you is going nuts about something that should have never been in list of your priorities in first place itself.

I have always been a single channel, Door Darshan brought up man. I do well when I have a single choice but it freaks me out when I am offered a digital remote with 100 channels and additional 200 channels on pay per view bases. With almost everyone trying to hook me up with various jazzed up programming channels I search for simple plain, graphic free, knowledgeable, sensitive Doordarshan like someone which presents Krishi darshan with almost same simplicity, dignity and enthusiasm as it presents Chitrahaar on weekends irrespective of what market forces have to say.

I know it’s a tough task to find neutral balanced DD in times of Baywatch or over emotional K serial channels par kya aisa ho paaayega , inhin sabhi sawallon ka jawab jaanne keliye padte rehenge yeh blog HUMLOG!!

Yara Rab !
Sometime a song just perks you up
Dont know why but felt like sharing this song with you all guys.
one of very few songs i really like.
Its from the movie Socha Na Tha
and the song is

"Yaara Rab Russ Jaane de"

Already played it over 25 times, do lsiten to it if u get a chance.

PS : And if u r thinkin some girl is responsible for me liking this song then i must tell you , first time i heard it , i was with a very dear freind MN , who took me out for this movie . Though this movie was not a KJO type magnum hits but me and MN were probably in the entire hall who enjoyed like it was the biggest block buster after Sholay.

Why ? Because like the hero of the film we both were in the same confused sate of mind of what to do with work and women in our lives and i guess probably even after 2 years we are in he same state of mind :)

Enjoy and have fun and do lisen to this song , its a real good one. Probably some day some beautiful woman will sing this song along with me. And yes some women along with MN too :)

Amen

and i play the song again !!!!!!!!!

Thank You Hai :)

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh ! Its been an year . Yes Its been an year when i decided to vomit out the crap in my numb mind to the world outside just like Hrithik stupidly decides to mask himself out and wishfullly thinks that the world outside would now acknowledge him as a super hero Krissh , i decided to call the dumb head in me "Sethi Sahib" and thought people would lap up this spelling and grammatical error prone avtaar of mine. ( Cant help it always Sethi Sahib always fall for wrong women and wrong words :))

Well every anniversary is a thanks giving time :) A small token of love to acknowledge the presence of all those who have been at the reciveing end of my thoughts and surprisingly still managed to be with me and cope up with the my eccentricites.

So in my long thanks giving list i would like to thank in no particular order , Rajesh aka RK sahib , abhishek urf Sexy , Manjith , Gaurav ,My brother sumeet , my parents , God , Amita, Deepika, Abha , all the vella gang members ,shrikant , sudeep, ankush , pulkit , srijesh , soham , Adi, nirmal , hiren , SamD ,monika , SI aka Shankarnarayanan Iyer ,NG aka national Geographic or Siri Rama, all the girls who have ever rejected me , all the girls i have had one sided crush on , Nikhil , Lalu , Ashit aka AJ, mukul , Javed , Farooq bhai , Guru Paaji , Higu or Himanshu Gulati , Girls on Sus Road Bus Stop ( we still dont know your real names ), Dhoop Chaaon , Papa Ki Beti , Saharan Pur , lambi wali chooti waali , Load girls , legal and illegal citizens of India and Amreeka, the fashion show team , abhishek N , rajesh P, SRK , Himesh reshamiya, Thick head Shri Arjun Singh ,fellow bloggers, anonymous reader who silently come to visit sethisahib everyday but never letme know how bad i have written these posts, Harin , Sujith ... I will keep on updating this list as and when new names strike my dumb head .

Well just wish to say , its ur presence in my life that makes me pen down few words , give me some thoughts , some stories to ponder and above all its your presence that makes me feel i indeed have few guys in my life whom i can turn too.

Mein Kya ab to party time hain,do go to your favorite restautrant today and have a waddi wali treat from my side :)

Cheers and baut wadda wala thanku hai ji

Puneet

Epitome of nothingness!

Well u must be wondering where the hell Mr. Sethi has been .

Sometimes u get so busy in performing unproductive activities in life that you tend to avoid the productive ones that one should really do. And even if you find time to do those productive ones, you get so bogged down by the guilt of doing the unproductive ones that you believe its okay to avoid the productive ones as in the end the total guilt percentage per productive plus unproductive activities comes out to be nearly same.

The above lines are kind of Mensa tests puzzles that will make sense only to high IQ , high EQ individuals who can provide answers to similar complex queries like what women really want , why its only in India that people fight to be called backwards , and who the fcuk made people like Arjun Singh our cabinet minister. And trust me I am not one of those high on brainy hormone , complex thinking individuals who can answer such questions.

And if you are still with me and wondering what the shit has happened to this nut case called Sethi Sahib and what the hell this eccentric chap is forcing down the throat of humanity by writing this kind of misery cryptic tales then trust me, reason for waking up of this monstrous kumbhkarna from his peaceful slumber has been a very dear friend who visited my blog after an equally peaceful sojourn and on finding out that world has not moved an inch since her last visit, immediately summoned me to write something right in here before she checks this blog in the morning again. Well thats what i call being one of the best exmaples of being relly clear in thoughts of what exactly u want.

But my spcl friend I don’t have anything to write. With my social circle now comprising of flickering images on TV or a laptop , couple of chat windows , a spider resting on the roof , and occasional human interactions in terms of official meetings and telecons , I am turning into a perfect example of a nirvanic person being gradually plugged out of the matrix.

I have given up my wane attempts to understand women psych long time back and learnt that I cant modify the code built in for them by the Chief Architect above becasue to me that guy has not even assigned read only permissions for decipjering it.

So this epitome is nothingness written just because you asked me to write something and thanks for asking me do that because perhaps this is something I really want to do even if I have nothing else in my life.

I said it to some one once; its only words and words are all I have to take your heart away!

And I do hope with frnds like u on my side there would be many more such words in years to come whether humanity or the "kind of women I usually talk about" like it or not.

Amen!

Chal Chaiyya Chaiyya 2a ( CCC2a)

Well the morning sun has blossomed and we have finally arrived at the Chicago Midway Airport. Midway is one of the best Airports I have ever been to. Despite only catering to the domestic air traffic, it can give a tough competetion to best of the international al airports .

Its an amazing experience to walk through the long automated walkways, surrounded by thick crystal clear glass walls all around and enjoying a breathtaking view of landing and departing planes as if you are standing righ there on the runway.

We reached our designated departure gate and when I looked around , I felt as if I was waiting in the boarding lounge of Chennai international airport savoring hot masala idlis and a cup of fresh filter café with white airy mundu on my waist and “top-button-left-opened” shining bright madras silk shirt over it . Tamil was the lingua franca of the hour. People moving around in Sweat Shirts and Chandan Tilaks on fore head, perfect example of globalization. U name it and I was seeing it in front of me.

It was Madrasis all around me man. For give me for using this word “Madrasi” as for thickhead punju guys like me from Delhi everything below MP is Madras and I and my coming seven generations can never develop those skills of distinguishing an andhrite from a tamilian or a telguite from a mallu chap .They all look same , they all wear same mundus ,they all talk in same dialect that sounds like someone his drumming on coconut shells with all his strength and in all their movies , all their heroes do those same gravity defying acts of stopping heaviest of trains and planes just by staring at them for around 10 seconds.

I read in Discovery of India that intelligent brahmincal Dravidians were pushed to south by the invasion of aggressive Aryans in north and since now they can’t be pushed further , because of risk of getting drowned in Indian ocean , The presence of modern day invaders like Arjun singh and Lalu Prasad Yadavs is now forcing this talent to quietly catch a late night Flight and land up in this holy Land of amreeka . That was the only answer my Logical and analytical brain can churn out at that moment for their presence in such huge numbers there.

So in midst of chaotic sounds of “Ayyeoh , Ille, wander wa” and North Indian gallis from couple of Punjus like me present their , we finally board the plan. One thing that I have observed in all my experience of taking Cheap , no frill airlines is that all Cheap airlines around the world competes to be who will act cheapest to its passenger. Unclean seats, late departures, artistic puke designs, lack of overhead luggage space, U name them and all airlines proudly provide you with all such cheap services. In Amreeka there is one more problem which we don’t see at least now in India. The Problem is airhostess, either they are OPhra Winfrey types or they are 50 years plus trying to act 18 years blondes. So with Madrasis all around me and no American babes to look around I try to doze off. SI is sitting on my next seat and fretting about the third women whom he has proposed last night has been again rejected unaware of the fact the guy sitting peacefully next to him has gone through the same experience some 3O times more .

Well I am woken up from my peaceful slumber by the sounds of the rolling food trolley. I asked Ophra Winfrey Air Hostess for an apple juice instead of Coke she was offering and she looked at me as if I am on a first date with her and asked her to pay the bill. But finally she did came out with a Juice can resulting in a mass movement of ALL desis after me asking for Apple Juice.

From New Jersey to our Final Destination New York, we decided to take the Coach from the Airport. The Bus ride was fabulous, SI with his 32 MB cam Clicking fanatically pics of every pole , red light and building that we were leaving behind on the expressway to New York and me enjoying the scenic pleasures outside.

A Desi couple in front of me are desperately trying to enjoy the freedom a free nation like Amreeka offers and I guess they are leaving no stone unturned to display in public the skills acquired reading Playboys and Pent house during their growing up years in India . .Looking at them and gauging their skills, I guess women must have been a brighter student and more hardworking in acquiring those skills.

And suddenly our bus enters a tunnel and there is complete darkness except for occasional orange colored strikes of big flash lights installed on both the sides of tunnel.
Trust me when I say this tunnel was long. I guess we would have been inside the tunnel for the time big enough for the couple in front of me to bring out their own issue of Penthouse.

But when the bus gradually came out of the tunnel and I looked at my left I fell in love with her, probably the most beautiful city I have ever seen. Yes I was finally in New York and on my left I saw the magnificent New York skyline over the Hudson River stretching as far as my eyes can go. Who says in today’s world “Love at first sight” is a thing of past. My eyes after a very long time fell in love with someone once again. It was her, the New York City.

Chal Chhaiya Chhaiya 1 (CCC 1)

Some one for whom procrastination is religion and the last moment deadlines are way of life, its very difficult to gear up and switch on the electric impulses of his dumb mind. This dumb mind , despite being in the first world nation of amreeka likes to go on a load shedding schedule twice a day, three hours each, just to remind Sethi Sahib of his Delhi roots.

But today Sethi Sahib finally decides to plug in all the invertors and generators of his high on load shedding mind and write to you about My NYC and Washington trip that I undertook during the long weekend at end of May.

Well what should be the title of the post? Sethi Sahib always gets confused about two things in life , One what should be the title of his posts and secondly What does the women mind think of men ( If at all something like women mind exist ) and as always I end up liking the weird title and weird women and as always getting myself screwed up in the end.

So lets call this post which I plan to write in three series as Chal Chaiyaa Chaiyaa 1 2 and 3. You can also call it as CCC 1 , CCC2 and CCC3 ( Pronouncing C three times separtaely without substituting the word "Tripple") .Sounds like some one’s tongue is on fire after eating at my favorite Paapu da Dhabba Joint on National Highway 3.

Well there are reasons to the title. Yes! Sethi Sahib can be reasonable at times , so what that reasons make sense only to him. First I wanted somehow SRK to be linked to this post , secondly after seeing “Inside man”, watching Danziel Washington roaming in streets of New York with this song playing at the background I knew no matter what I write, this has to be title of my NY post and thirdly 1, 2 and 3 reminds me of another favorite of mine , Mr. Tom Cruise ( SRK of USA )

Well the long explanation above reminds me of how women send long and eloquent rejection letters to the men courting them. Sample this “You are the best man I have ever met, you are too good , may god be with you , may u get all the best in life, may you become Prime Minister of India and press the nukes on the Pakis but I guess what I want is some fool, shit head to come and ruin my life. So lets be friends” Ha ha ha , LOL, so now u know whatever u might think of this title , I love weird titles, weird women and getting screwed up in the end . So lets be friends.

Well the above lines are dedicated to all those guys who after reading my last post, specifically requested to bring back BB ( Bandi Bashing ) element back in my posts . Guys your mails rock and this one is especially for you.

And women, I already told you, I like getting screwed myself in the end and this is one such step in that direction.

With everyone being happy now I proceed to describe one of the most memorable experiences that Sethi Sahib ever had in his life and invite you all to be a part of this second Journey with me ( For those of you who are new to my blog , Read the Post titled “Aaati Kya Khandala” for the first journey.)

Day 1: Saturday 27th May, Time 4.15 AM, Place Chicago Downtown, My 22nd Floor Apartment

SI knocks at the door and as usual runs away to the far end of the ally. I am still not able to figure out why he always has to do this. He knocks hard with all his strength on the door. You rush and immediately open the door only to discover there is no one outside. You have to come out and look around , shout at the top of your voice “KAUN HAI “ and then only he makes his grand entry from the far end of the lobby. May be he thinks, Sethi Sahib would let loose some exothermic nucleic explosion if he is found standing in front of the door after knocking it.

Anyways, Lets come back to the trip again. Being a staunch procastanist, I was able to complete my packing only at around 1 past midnight with the nerve wracking feeling of having forgotten half of the things. Thus it’s just 3 hours of sleep as we proceed out towards our mission NY and DC

4.30 AM in the morning and we are walking towards the CTI train station to catch the metro for the airport. Never seen Chicago downtown so early in the morning. Summers have set in and so not much of chill in the air. Surprising for us, as it was only a month ago that we were experiencing sub zero temperatures and ice freezing breezes.

The Downtown looks sleepy as if, even the skyscrapers have decided to take a long nap after 5 tiring days of being bog down by all the money generating activities going on in their premises. It’s still dark, and I am silently enjoying the shining downtown skyline. In next 15 minutes sun would come up. Being summers , daylight shines bright for cool 16 hours a day here.

The Busy Metro Station at Western Loop looks deserted. In India at least you can find a Chaiwaalah or Paan waalah to give you company at a station platform at any point of time but I guess today I have to live without that sonorous “Chai Chai” calls that I have always imagine being synonymous with Train journeys in India.

We procure the tickets from the vending machine and enter the platform to wait for the 5 o Clock Orange Line Train towards the Airport. And suddenly we see something familiar. Yes! we see two of our colleagues from office coming towards the Station. It’s the first long weekend of summers and everyone here seems to be in hurry to swap places. They are going to LA. Well its best choice if you are a husband and wife couple like them, but we being three guys can just look forward for exciting New York and its rocking night life.

The first thing an Indian Techie do on his arrival in the holy land of America is to buy a digicam so that he could click picture of every Dustbin ,trash , tissue and anything he can lay his eyes on in the holy land and send them back home . After all if its from America It has to be good . We too have our Digicams ready and loaded up . SI is itching to press the first Click of the morning. In his enthusiasm of clicking photographs , he has purchased a cool 1 GB Memory chip for his Cannon , so what only last night he has discovered that maximum memeory his Cannon can support is upto 256 MB and his new card is now as worthelss as Mallika Sherawat with her clothes on . So despite having lost 65 bucks ( Multiply by 45 if reading from India ) in buying 1 GB card and having to do with 32 MB of default memory his enthusiasm for clicking pictures is still rock solid.

After torturing himself for about an hour since morning, he finally decides to request the couple from our office to take our first snap of the journey. And once the initial inhibitions are lost it’s a photo clicking party at 4.45 AM on the platform. Everyone taking snaps of everyone. And before any more of thousands of GBS of digital space gets wasted, we can hear the arriving train and we quickly hop on the train on our way towards the Airport.

No matter which place of the world you are traveling, Early Morning Train Journeys always have something inherently romantic about them. The flirtations between sounds of the moving train and serene and peaceful morning silence cheers you up for the day. I am letting my senses sink in the freshesness of the morning as I gaze outside the large glass window towards a streak of Yellow light, slowly transforming itself into a bright circular disc. There are people inside but no human sounds to hear. I guess no one wants to disturb the rising sun to come out in its full glory. Even SI has decided to give his Camera a breath or two and is silently enjoying the view from his window. There are some moments in life No camera on earth can capture.

Unfinished!

It’s December.

The lights are dim inside. May be lights are not even switched on and the only light that enters the dark confines of the room is the occasional flash from the headlight of a lonely car racing past the road about half a mile away.

Probably the driver has lost his way back home.

The rickety heater is glowing orange hot, burning its heart out in a desperate attempt to add some kind of heat to the moist, chilling cold inside. Reminding of a red brick furnace inside a steel plant, trying to swallow and melt never ending rows of metallic plates one after another.

The blue, purple shades of night, black darkness of the room coupled with occasional silver streaks of headlight flashes, intermingles with a bright orange spot burning at the far end of the room.

It’s a silent night. The kind of silence where even your thoughts echo back twice in the room if you let them go out of the deep confines of your heart.

I lie on my steel framed bed, feeling the chill and the warmth hitting simultaneously on parts of my exposed skin that have sub consciously crawled out of the cozy quilt just like an ignorant child unknowingly sneaks out of his parent’s custody.

It’s the perfect stillness. The stillness one observes in the old black and white photographs staring aimlessly at its visitors in an art gallery. Even the old Kent wall clock has stopped ticking. Time, it seems, has finally decided to take a halt tonight after running infinitely for years together.

It’s a heady mix of silence, stillness, chill, warmth and darkness.

I could not sleep and gaze infinitely with my eyes wide open at the ceiling fan above me which looks like of not having moved its wings since centuries together.

Thousands of Images from the past fly in front of me in a manner similar to the way an automatic money counting machine furiously flips bundles of notes in a matter of few seconds.

“Have I lost the battle?” I silently put across a question to myself making sure that the thoughts do not escape the small confines of my heart and disturb the stillness of the room.

And in that moment of uncertainty and doubt, I roll my eyes on my left.

I see you.

Can anyone play Himesh Reshamiya Please !

DISCLAIMER : Well i decided to write about my Field Museum trip this weekend but could not take out a bugger called ArjunSingh out of my mind. So,only Go through the post if you are above the age of 18 as the text contains deserving expletives and if even if you are not then also read the post because you got to know how to address this shit head called Arjun Singh.

We were three persons. SI (The wonderful guy with whom I went in for the movie), NG (His South Indian lady friend) and third Sethi Sahib. Now this NG was a bit of surprise element for me. Anyways since it was already planned I went ahead with the trip.

The museum is real good. Believe me when I say its huge. It has everything from Original Egyptian Mummies, to the heavy pyramid stones which required 172 men to move ( Irrespective of Being an SC ST Or OBC) , the artifacts and amulets dating centuries back, the Evolution of life from earth’s initial years to the creation of Arjun Singh like dinosaurs to the first human lady Lucy. There was one complete section dedicated to gems and Jades alone. Also there was a huge section about pacific region. Hall for China was present and so was for Tibet but surprisingly no India. The only thing I found missing was a hall for Indian civilization. (I guess we need some reservation here. Arjun Singh are u listening) (****Fuck u Arjun ******)

There was a big section dedicated to practically all the species of animals ( except Arjun ) and plants u could possibly think off in their life size figurines. This one para above about the museum is just a tip of the ball pen lying on the top of the ice berg and dear Arjun if instead of Reservation and Quotas, you can think of giving something like this to India , I know in your next elections u wd be asking for Reservations for Americans in India ( ***** Sounds nice ! Fuck u again Arjun *****)

I really like what they called was House of Maori which the Field Museum authorities brought from New Zealand. Yes they had shifted an entire house as it is from New Zealand to be kept inside the museum. This house was built by Maori people of New Zealand as a place to worship their ancestors, where they believed spirits of their ancestors are present. It is a long hut with thousands of eyes painted on the walls. And when i stepped inside that dark house, I felt amazing peace ; I guess it really had some thing inside it. May be at least when spirits die they do not require a 27% reservation to rest in peace. (***** May the entire world in all its orgasmic glory fuck u hard Arjun *****)

And now the fun part (Yes despite people like Arjun Singh deciding the fate of India’s future, life can be sometimes fun. Taking break from Arjun here. Already given him his share of 27% quota in my post on this blog)

The lady NG was a walking talking national geographic channel ( That’s why NG , NG = national Geographic) , she would stand on every single artifact , animal figurine that your eyes can see in every available single inch of your vicinity and give one whole episode commentary on that animal/artifact , I wondered if she knew so much why the hell has she come here. And i was feeling "can anyone play himesh reshamiya here please ".

I don’t know why majority of south Indian kids are brought up with notion that the only way they would be sociably acceptable in the society would be to cram every word printed in Science , math’s and geography textbooks ( including preface and acknowledgements ) and vomit it out in tamilised accented English on the lesser mortals of the society like me.

Now SI had a reason to feel interested in whatever she was saying, after all he has invited her and now has to pay price for it . I could see the expression on his face which was exactly the same like a student of computer science made to forcibly sit in a class of biology and made to discuss comparisons between intravascular intestines and chromosomal cross sections of the human pancreas. And I really admire his ptience and guts for this heroic act.

So he use to stand at every stop along side her and by the time they would have completed theri discussion about the kind of grass chimpanzees from central Africa ate, i would have taken 3 rounds of the entire African continent displayed there including a hurried ride to European hall and a 15 minute documentary on African tribal dance .

I tried to keep up my pace with them but with them i felt as confused as a gay would have felt on an island of lesbians ( Sorry for the phrase but that was the exact words i told to Ms National Geographic and for the next 3 minutes she was looking at me with the same intensity as she was looking at the group of orang gutans couple of minutes before.

And then when she was comparing the black stripes of her top to the model of the tiger before her , i replied to her that the patterns on the top look more like the narrowly spaced stripes usually seen on the bodies of Gravy Zebras found in the semi-desert of northern Kenya east of the Great Rift Valley and north of the Tana River.

Trust me she was impressed by my knowledge of zebras ( which i acquired, learned and revised during my third round of the same hall by the time they could finish off the tiger window ) but some how could not find herself comfortable being compared to zebra no matter how exclusive they are .

So i decided to take an independent tour and meet them after couple of hours. In those couple of hours i took the entire Evolution section , the Africa, Egypt , Pacific, North Americas and Tibet of the world and also had a time to spare for a hot coffee and banana muffins in the museums bakery.

I met SI and NG after that. They have finally dome with Animals, SI had a face of relief, the same relief that you see on a person’s face when he comes out of a cinemas loo after holding himself for two and a half hours in a suspenseful Ram Gopal Vermas film. NG was still disturbed as she could not see and comment upon couple of rats and few varieties of Madeira cockroaches as it was time for the museum to get closed

Well that’s was my museum trip, in midnight SI called me and said he was unable to sleep because as soon as he closes his eye, he feel himself in Midst of national geographic commentary of importance of maintaining the ecosystem of the mother earth.

And I replied Imagine NG taking Arjun Singh for the museum Trip. This quota issue will be solved and clsoed once and for all. Amen!

(Once more before I end **** Fuck u Arjun *********)

Mid Night Blues

Us raat ko yaad karta hoon
Jo raat shayad phir kabhie na aayegi
Bhookh lagi hai zabardast , barah bajein hain
Daall ky maagi hai jo 2 min mein puck jayegi

Hey Guys if you were courageous enough to go through first two lines and then after reading the next two lines suddenly felt like beating me up red blue and green, like the way haryanavi Delhi Police hawaldaar , weilds his laathi on the hiding couples in Nehru park bushes then I am sorry , I cant help it . This is what happens to you when you plan to sit and write something and suddenly in midst of the midnight the lid on the PP ( Paapi Pet ) goes off . You forget everything on this earth ( Yes including SRK, Kajol and Himesh Reshamiya’s omnipresent aura on all the TV channels , national geographic included ).

I guess this is what happened to Deary Arjun Sing Ji (ASJ for future references), All was going well , Madam ji was having gala time in the fields of Amethi , Rahul beta was seen growing out of his baba suites , Sis priyanka was happily shopping for new clothes for his bada hota bhaiyaa and Manmaohan paaji was merrily passing away his time , till the time rahul baba grows big enough to wear khadi kurtas and Nehru jackets. And citizens like us were happily increasing TRPs of “ we-only- show- crap” news channels and creating tom cruises out of Deepak chaurasiyas of the world. ***Deepak aap meri awaaz sun rahein hain. ** Deepak **buzz Deepak *****

And Suddenly lid on ASJ’s PP goes off and the next best thing that he could think for dousing the fire inside his belly was to come up with this crappiest idea of increasing OBC Quota in educational institutes . Like the ready to cook two minute maagi noodles this was the perfect dish that would give him his two minutes of fame. And he knew Depak Chauarsiyas of the world will lap it up and show it on every available pixel of the Televsion screen to his targeted rural audience, who will gladly give few more breaths for another 5 years to the UPA mumble jumble . To hell with the students who burn the shit out of midnight oil to fight for those few coveted engineering , management and medical seats . Quota rules!

I have nothing against guys who deservingly need some support systems to come up in life and they can be from either of the classes but doin something at the cost of harming intersts of millions of others just because of the caste one belongs to or does not belong to is totally insane.This whole quota concept is nothing but a Hallucinatical way of dividing people. Any kind of support system should purely be based on economical status of an indvidual irrespective of caste creed , relegion or gender.

Imagine going forward , SRK cant pair up with Kajol because some one from Gaanv Jaunpur from the remote village of lakshwadeep has to be paired up as the reservation quota has to be followed.Or the IT companies like the one for which I work for has to do flowing allocations before starting the projects. 3 java Guys, 2 oracle guys, 3 UNIX resources out of which 2 should belong to Other backward of the backward of the backward classes and 3 should belong to any more backwardness that can be discovered in some wired undiscovered spot of Andaman Nikobar Islands

So here are few thoughts Sethi Sahib would like to share with Honorary Mantri Ji Shri Shri Arjun Singh Ji , The Gandhis inclding their adopted Manmohan paaji, Depaak Chaurasiyas of the world and all of you.

1 Shri Shri 1008 ASJ ,Think Beyond your 2 minute cuppa noodles. We know u could send Your grandkids and their grandkids to any place on this earth to study but there are millions others who are sweating it out in BijliLess , Paani Less Streets of Shining India to get the best possible education. Don’t put hot water on the dreams of these poor souls.

2.U can have ur 2 minutes of fame by proposing Mallika Sherawat from the top of the North Block Mantralay . Trust me , Not only u will get national but also international coverage for that. Mallickas balls are big enough to get you all that and much more .And I am sure Deepak would be there too. ***Deepak aap meri awaaz sun rahe hain *** Buzz *** Deepak.. Deepak ***

3 Deepaks of the world , Use media to educate masses about importance of this grave issue . Believe me Indian Public is intelligent enough to give an ear to serious discussions apart from counting how many kisses emran haashmi would place on the lips of Diya Mirza in his forthcoming movie.Don’t popularize ASJs of the world. Biggest Kick in the ass you can give a crack head Politicians like ASJ is to completely ignore them in national media.

4 Doctors , who have been the forefront of these protests. You guys rock, keep up the tempo , and I just hope millions like me can follow you guys. IIM IITs and my fellow engineers are u listening

5 Madam Ji , Rahul baba , Priyanka behan , The pets in 10 Janpath , Manmohan Paaji ( In order of importance ) . The first 4Guys u have been bestowed upon the biggest gift of mankind of having a surname that would keep you sailing in Indian politics , irrespective of what u do or chose not to do , so instead of doing something like this , give a bend it like Beckham kick in the ass crack of ASJ and Manmohan paaji show the world that Punjabi Blood in you can still give Sunny paaji a run for his money in taking the shit out of that sick mind.

A Soul Unplugged!

A soul unplugged, I roam around
My body lies, deep beneath the ground.
The day we parted, we had two worlds
She got her earth, and I owned the skies upwards.

A soul unplugged, in my clouds I reel
But their softest touch, I cannot feel
I left my senses deep beneath that earth
Where she lies, trying to find the softest touch.

A soul unplugged, counting stars that belong to me.
But their shining light, I cannot see
I left my eyes, deep beneath that earth
Where she lies, for stars she search.

A soul unplugged, I cannot feel my skies
My heart was left, where my body lies
My body never really got her earth
Soiled, soft, and now waits for rebirth

A soul unplugged, I look for body afresh
To live my heaven, never the less
But I left myself, deep beneath that earth
Where she lies, into a new form she emerge.

Mission Impossible 3 and Chaiyya Chaiyya

Wow what a weekend it has been!! Hey don’t worry Sethi Sahib is still to find that perfect girl for himself but despite that the weekend has been as refreshing as finally watching Ganguly scoring a big knock after a long time, so what if the opposing team is Muradabad eleven.

Well months of being away from home living in midst of people of different culture and people from my culture turning different, the weekend break was badly required.

Friday evening, after working like slaves employed by Egyptian kings to turn out some weird triangular shape graves for their burial, 24 X 7 since the last five days, this heart wanted something good real badly. Yes even more badly than a sensible and “free-from complicated-thinking- always-happy” women.

For Software guys like us, the saying goes, when in trouble remember god or search Google. Now god already has a long list of Sethi Sahib Wishes so Sethi sahib decided to turn to Google. And as always, god may delay but Google grants all your wishes in seconds.

And here enters SRK of Sethi sahib in firangi land. Yes! I am talking about Tom Cruise, Friday nigh first day last show of much awaited Mission Impossible 3. Man! What else a man need. 2 hours of non stop ass cracking action. Guns, lasers, head banging crouch jumping scenes in one of the best theaters in the town boasting of 21 screens in a single hall

Tom! Whatever the world says about you, your couch jumping, your women, your religion, Take it from me you rule! You rule despite all that!

Trust me this movie is worth a watch! It can pump you up even if it’s the day when you have been rejected by a women 234567897676th time. It can pump you up despite having emotionally drained out conversation with your girl, trying to be sensitive to her emotions and listening to the heart crying tale of how her dogs puke is changing color from yellow to not so yellow.

The next day was even more joyous , the kind of joy that you experience when the boy u thought had some Affair with the 1752762526th lady you had crush on , is once again seen roaming around with guys! The kind of joy u experience when that silly dog of your girlfriend finally gets picked up municipality anti rabies squad after weeks of colorful pukes.

So me woke up late, tried my hand making Aloo tikkis and surprisingly did well, surfed net, wrote mails to some dear friends, did a web con with family head quarters in Delhi, talked to dad from Nepal , had a long hot bath and finally a small afternoon nap on a cozy bed before going for a long walk to the lakeshore drive with a dear friend. Lets call him SI.

SI is really good man, definition of being good, loves SRK and himesh reshamiya , despite what the hell world says about them. 24 year old and like Sethi sahib, still to find that perfect women and despite being from south of India, picks up Punjabi gallis real fast quickly and deliver them with utmost north Indian perfection.

So we both went on a walk of around 3 hours, crossing one sky scraper after another and finally reaching to the shore of Michigan lake from where we took a long walk to my favorite spot almost at the end of shell museum which has a breath taking view of entire Chicago downtown and the beautiful Michigan lake in one single frame. The downtown skyline seems to be floating like a big shining boat on the lake along with scores of other smaller ones. Time seems have to stop there. A perfect hidden from the world spot for a heart to heart chat or just senseless gazing at the nonsensical world around you.

Already half of Amreeka doubt about me being gay and if your are wondering what the other half thinks, then forget it, the other half are males. So when we both sat at that beautiful straight-gift-from-god spot, I am sure the statement above was strengthened once again. And what we talked about, well I got some real good Gyan about share, stocks and mutual funds and high on Viagra sensex. Sethi Sahib always falls for an intelligent conversation. 12345637838th times better than discussing the color of the puke of your girlfriend’s dog and trying to make her see your sensitive side.

Finally, evening was giving way to night, the whole town was lighting up. Getting dressed up for the night I guess and we decide to head back to the skyscrapers. Walking all the way on the lake shore drive towards navy pier , checking amreeki kudis and clicking pics of each other in la SRK poses, singing himesh reshamiyas songs , the evening was fun. I bet Himesh Reshamiya in his weirdest of dreams would never have imagined that his straight from the nose songs would be sung in some hidden from the world spot in downtown Chicago with such zeal.

We decide to head for the biggest Mac D in the town. Had a heart filling, calorie incrementing and belly enlarging meal of cheese burger French fries and large chocolate shakes. Man sometimes in life you have to treat yourself royally and I guess that was long overdue from me. And if the meal is accompanied by heart to heart and gaaali filled chat of two men about everything that’s wrong about world women and work. I bet its heaven!

After yesterdays MI3 experience we decide to go in for one more movie. Zeroed on Inside Man. Trust me it was one of the best decisions of my life. Much better than decision to stop thinking about all the 1089755 women with whom I had one side affairs with.

The movie beginning itself was a surprise. a real pleasant one , the kind when you get to know that still in today’s age , some women could be perfectly sensible , intelligent , beautiful and yet unattached. Yes believe me it is possible and I am waiting for that to happen in my life too.

The movie begins and ends with SRK’ s Chaiyya Chaiyya song. Hey yes!!!, trust me , what I am saying is truth and nothing but the truth . Do you hear me?
SRK’s chaiyya in the background and Danzel Washington in foreground roaming in the streets of New York City. If apart from Angelina Jolie , if anything is hot here in amreeka , hen its India. You hear about it sleeping eating, drinking, pissing and also in midst of your Girlfriends dog health bulletin.

And firangs are going crazy about the song , I google it and see amazon.com selling thousands of copies of the song to firangi junta out here. Critics have found song better than the movie. People are sharing pirated mp3s on the blogs , India is happening man. I feel so proud!

And if that was not enough , the beautifully made movie about a bloodless bank robbery that never happened , ends with Chaiyya Chaaiyya too. Its double whammy and as Mc D says here , I am loving it .

The weekend is about to end, and like all good one side affairs of my life, this week too comes to a close leaving with me some real cherished memories and scores of clothes that needs to be washed and iron out.

And before i end , Thanks SI for the two beautiful evenings and you all have a great week ahead!

Sethi Sahib and Kripa Ram

Well Time roles back to CIRCA 1990, the time of German reunification, and Beginning of Gulf war and the time when Sethi Sahib was 10 year old stud with "to hell with the world kind of attitude". It didn't matter who unites or who fights as far as Sethi Sahib's summer vacations are not disturbed.

Anyway to come back to the main story, in such exciting times enters a 9 year old man from south of India in Sethi Sahib's life. Thy name is Ram, Kripa Ram. A straight from social science textbook representation of people from south India. Dark Body, Bright Dhoti, and shining chandan Tilak on his forehead. Well that's how he looked when I met him for the first time and believe me I immediately went home and for the first time in my life open my social studies text book with any kind of genuine interest. I Saw that picture of Dravidian guy from Madras and was so happy to find the living incarnation of the chapter on Tamil Nadu that I was sure I am not going to lose any marks from at least this chapter. Who says education should not be interactive.

But Next day Kripa Ram was like any of us. His House warming Pooja was over and now he dressed and behaved like all of us. That was kind of shocking for me and once again I got this nerve wracking feeling of scoring low in Social Studies exam. But I overcame this soon and me and Kripa became good friends in n time.

Kripa Parents like all other South Indian parents in Delhi had these two dreams. Firstly Kripa becoming an engineer and going to US and secondly but the most important one of Kripa scoring passing grades in his Hindi exam. So they encouraged this national integration between North and South of India without realizing the dangerous time they had in store for them because of this act.
His house was thrown open to me anytime only on the condition that I would always speak eat drink and piss with him in Hindi.

It doesn't matter to me as long as I had access to his vast collections of Hindi comic book which his parents had bought him in the vain hope of him learning the Hindi

But left alone Hindi, Kripa was not even interested in speaking Tamil or speaking anything at all. He used to roam around in the house like a zombie making strange noises from his mouth. Every time something came out of his mouth it sounded like a 20 year old rickety truck being turned on a winter morning. But Kripa was fun and lived in his own Utpoic world.

He was passionate about his collection of miniature figurines from the cartoon Series "He Man." He had some scores of manikins representing all the characters of the cartoon series and we use to leisurely spend hours of our summer times making those dummies fight and animatedly destroying each other while his grandmother slept peacefully in the next room

But one day Kripa got really bored of the daily stuff and produced those engine warming voices from his mouth which meant that lets add some more actions to our play. It's just too boring to simply throw the toys here and there thinking they were flying or running after each other

Sethi sahib agreed to this and we decided to introduce some real life elements to the whole play. The first step was to build a huge Fort for the toys. Kripa gladly opened all his brand new text books for the cause. We build a huge fort for the two toys enemies using Kripa Ram newly bought 5th standard books. Not satisfied with it and to add more colors we pasted newspapers on the walls and floor and to add real life fun to the surroundings used comic books as hidden bunkers for the toys. To us the whole 300 square feet drawing hall was converted to a war zone but for some one from outside it looked like watching a Discovery channels programme on worlds largest scrap house.

Mean while Kripa Grandma slept peacefully in the other room, unaware of what transformation was going on in the next room.

We were high on adrenalin by now and wanted more action to happen. Kripa was not satisfied with the paper and books war zone for his toys as he wanted some live and real action. So he decided to introduce an element of fire to the game play. Story line was that "RAM Man" or the hero's friend would be caught in a fire in his castle and our Hero 'He Man" would come and rescue him.

So we lit up few newspapers and kept "RAM Man" Figurine inside it waiting for Kripa ram to come with "He Man" in his hand and douse the fire.

But by the time we could realize the entire living room had caught fire. Kripa Ram text books were burning bright and so were his collections of Comic Books. Mean while Kripa ram decided not to perform the heroic act of dousing the fire and save his "He man's" friend as it was much more fun to watch live fire inside the living room. We both went and stood on sofa set and watched Plastic Figurine of "RAM Man" melting away in the red hot fire of Kripa's book. The whole room was full of smoke and we were jumping on the sofa set trying to catch the flying newspapers turned black by the fire. Boy! We were having fun of our life. It was liberation time for us. Kripa Ram had burnt his Holiday Home work, his text books and all the Hindi learning material. We felt the same high which the legendary Pink Floyd would have felt when they compose the song "We don't need any education".

And suddenly to our surprise there was huge splash and massive wave of water came running inside from the living room's entrance. We were all drenched and so were Half burnt books and Toys. And when we looked outside we saw Kripa's Grandma and score s of neighbors inside the house screaming and shouting loudly and throwing buckets of water inside the room.

Me and Kripa were pulled out and were given a thrashing of our lives. And we felt nothing but sheer amusement as we still could not understand why this whole fuss about the simple child plays. After all boys were just having fun.

Sethi Sahib's entry in Kripa's House was banned forever. Kripa's parents arranged a Hindi tutor for him instead. And we became like the Poor Boy , rich girl kind of lovers in Bollywood movies who secretly meet in garden and parks because of parental opposition to the relationship.

Finally after a year Kripas parents decided to take him back to Chennai as the north influence on their only child could take more violent turns in future and thus in times of no emails and n gmails, Sethi Sahib could never meet Kripa Again.

If Kripa you ever read this, then please contact me soon .Man I seriously need to light up some big fires again!

For AK

The words below are written specially for a very dear friend of Sethi Sahib. A friend with whom I may have met hardly four or five times in the last seven years since we have known each other, but yes this very special person has been among the very few who has always with me irrespective of the times around.


This one is for you AK!

Before you fly to your highest skies,
The big guy just tests your wings.
He lets you go through the hottest fire,
So the steel inside may never fling.

I may have only words for you,
and thats what I always had
I know you are the chosen one
Stand Up !
Its time again ,for the wings to flap.

Fwd: IT guys !

This is the first post on the blog that was not originally thought by me. Its a text of a forwared email that was sent by a very dear friend of mine known as RK Sahib. And Sethi Sahib in me cant stop himself from posting this one out here.

He loved Her,

But married another girl.

One Became the wife,

The other, became the password.

LOL :-)

Neal and DC

Well I know you must be wondering what’s the word DC doing along with the word Neal, And I guess that’s the power of cinema, it creates inseparable pairs in peoples mind, that would never part in years to come. So if its’ Abhishek’s and Rani’s Bunty Aur Bubbly or the much recent crap that Yash Chopra brought out for his son Uday’s never to have kick started career, popularly called Neal and Nikki we know they are to be referred together for ever. I hope even Real life was like that. And because this blog is all about real people and real stories (off course ignoring some Punjabi exaggeration from my sideJ) so the twist named DC is given to the post, representing that reality here. What is it, we shall see n the lines below.

Well Neal and DC are the names of the leading characters of the stories. Neal is a dear friend. Tall, Dark, handsome, and one of the many Indian Software Techies like Sethi Sahib, that you can now find in every nook and corner of this world from America to India.

And since he is a part of Sethi Sahib’s very close friend circle, despite everything perfect about him, he is still looking for that perfect being that can take control of his single life and end his bachelor’s existence. In short and simple words he is looking out for that never to be found perfect girl friend.

And now words about much awaited DC. Well DC is an acronym for words Dhoop Chaaoon( Translated to English – Sunshine and Shadow) . And yes it’s a name of a girl. Name not given by her family but the reference name given by the boys on the SUS Road (the place where I use to stay), who catch their office bus on the same bus stop as hers and since nobody knew her real name this was the name that was coined for the ease of reference by the entire boys club.

This naming process by the boys club to all the girls on the bus stop is really interesting.
Like many Indian engineer boys who grew up cramming hundreds of bulky books and only enjoying one sided relationships this set too has one sided affairs with all the girls coming on the bus stop. An affair of which the ladies in question are always totally unaware of and probably will never will. An affair that will last only till the time, the girl changes her residence or finds someone with a bike or a car to drop them off to office.

So to address them when they talk they gave their ladies a name of their choice. Being Engineers the naming process reflects the finest example of the logical and analytical abilities you can get hold off. Here are few examples, a short beautiful lady was known amongst the group as PKB (Papa KI Beti or Fathers daughter in short ) because on the bus stop whenever she talked , after every five minutes she would refer to her dad. So for all of us she was PKB.

Then their was group of four very similar looking Kudis from Punjab and when one of the south Indian boy from the group heard a girl speaking in Punjabi and saying words “ Koi Load nahin hai”, meaning “ No need for that” to someone on her cell ,he got so crazy and fascinated by her and her Punjabi word “load”, that he started addressing their entire group as Load . So phrases like “Today Sus Road was fully loaded” or “The bus was half loaded” or “I need to load up my life” became words of common usage amongst the group.

Well their were many such names like Clones , Kala Chasma , Sharan Pur each with a different but interesting stories behind it but I wont go into their details as an entire new post can be written about this whole naming convention process.

But yes I would be failing in my duty if I don’t mention how DC got her name. Well DC had always been different. She was beautiful, fair, blackish/golden haired and slightly heavy built with a “I will kick you ass, if u come near” looks in her eyes. She has two things that totally differentiated her form others, one was her red colored lipstick which no matter what was the color of her dress, color of the surroundings, the season or the occasion was always present on her face. The red color and the kick your ass looks were the perfect combination for signaling danger from hundreds of kms away. The second different thing was that she uses to always stand all alone on the opposite side of the bus stop. Imagine about 20 people on one side of the road looking at 1000 watt danger signal on the opposite side on the start of the day, reminding people not take life for granted. I guess she thought someday the driver would notice the presence of her highness standing and would take an opposite turn to pick her up , but that never really happened. Bet me bus drivers in Pune not even care to stop on the designated bus stops always, leave alone the thought of taking a U turn for someone.

Now even on the opposite side, she use to sometime stand under the shade and next day under the falling lights of the sun. This use to alternate everyday and hence the name dhoop chaaon or sunshine and shadow was bestowed upon her. Guys use to bet every day on which side of the light she would stand today. Imagine so much happening without the lady in question even aware about it. Well that’s the beauties of these one sided affairs. Guys live a whole complete life with the lady of their dreams on the bus stop, discussing even to the extent what their grandchildren would be doing from 40 years from now.

My own perception about DC was that she was some sort of psycho but as it always happens , you witness Murphy’s Law on earth working effortlessly around you and my dear talk dark and handsome friend from down south Neal falls head over heals with the “seem to be a psycho” Punjab girl, known as DC. And from here begins the story of Neal and DC.

Now Neal comes and tell Sethi sahib that she was the one he has been waiting for all her life. Sethi sahib is perplexed as always and thinks what the hell made, sensible guy like Neal to go for such dangerous, psychotic representation of love. But trust me never question a guy bout his dream women, it happens only once and no matter what the image she has in the world for him, she is the world. So Sethi Sahib and the entire gang decide to help out our beloved Neal in another love saga in making.

Neal finds out that she goes for a jog in the morning and this marks the birth of an athlete in Neal . Never in his life he has been up before 8 in the morning, even when he knew it would be impossible to clear the most dreaded of all complier exam in his engineering days without being awake 24 hours a day, but yes a girl once gain had her way in a boys life. Everyone form the boys club gave their one single morning to Neal to give him company every morning despite the night out a software guys has to do in his life.

But to Neal, nothing in the world mattered now , coming home at 1 am and ready for a jog at 5 am , I must say I learnt one thing from him , never fall in love with a girl who likes to go for a jog in the morning.

Its been one month now , No weight loss was observed in DC but our dear Neal was already spotting black circles under his eyes owing to lack of sleep and was still struggling to get a chance to speak to her.

God finally heard his prayers as, Sethi Sahib finds out an advertisement posted by DC on the office Bulletin Board. It said “House holds Item on sale. Items lying on Sus Road. Contact between 9 – 10 pm” . Items lying on Sus Road , I gave it a thought , Boy I commute daily on the Sus Road but have not seen any of the house hold stuff lying on the road. And even if they are lying on the road, by the time I would reach back , some one would have already picked it up. I am always amazed by the intelligence levels of some of the really beautiful women.

Anyways , a call was promptly made to Neal , who worked in the adjacent office as of Sethi sahib and relevant details were exchanged. Neal called up DC for the first time, and she tells everything is sold out except for a steel Almirah which was about fours years old and costs 2500 rupees. 2500 rupees for a four year old almirah , are you kiddin man , you can have a brand new one in 2800. But love makes you forget everything and even if the cost would have been 25000 rupees I am sure Neal would have still gone for it.

So Neal was ready for his big date. Though it was costing him 2500 bucks .The lady has obliged him with a 9.30 pm appointment at her and what a stroke of luck for him , from one sided affair to an invitation to a lady of her dreams house and that too in the moonlight night. Neal was ready for the big night.

The whole day was spent waiting to catch the 9pm bus for the Dc’s house. No bugs were solved, no time sheets were updated, no telecoms were attended, the only thing Neal did in office was to look into his watch after every five minutes.

And the clock stuck nine and Neal rushed to grab the seat closest to the driver in the bus so that he is the first one to move out.

He knocks at the door at sharp 9.30 pm and is welcomed by none other than the Goddess of red lipstick, DC herself. Dressed in white colored night casuals and her hairs untied , Neal is already in trance . I am sure now even 25 lakhs is not a big cost for him for the rickety Almirah. DC tells him that her room mate would be late as there is a project deadline so in the entire house its only Neal and DC. Neal agrees to buy the almirah in first 5 seconds and for the next five minutes forcefully tries to be with his one sided love, trying to crack one PJ after another. But DC knows the value of time and money and I guess 5 minutes for 2500 bucks was more than enough and she wishes Neal a good night . Neal takes the cue and the almirah and promptly moves out but yes he his happy , the happiest guy on this planet, the five minutes he spent with her , has had him lived five births with her , not to mention the numerous grandchildren he had imagine they both would be sharing.

Neal now waits for the morning when he can proudly wish her Hi on the morning Jog. But as luck would have it she didn’t turned up that day , nor she is seen for the next whole week. Neal asks Sethi Sahib to find out. And this is revealed.

DC had left Sus Road. It was her last night there as she had resigned from her job and joining her parents in Delhi where she would be getting married to Stanford MBA guy and then leaving for US of A from there on . Neal is left with a broken heart and equally broken Almirah.

Sethi Sahib and Neal decides to take walk on the Sus Hills one night , a week after the revelation and Neal tell Sethi Sahib that he is planning to take GMAT so that he can go and study Management In US. On asking why, he tells. so that next time when he goes to buy an old almirah from his girl of the dreams , he has nothing left to chance.

And Sethi Sahib wondered why the hell he would need to buy a old rickety almirah once he graduates from Stanford or Harvard when he can very well think about setting up a steel plant then. Well boys will be boys after all!

Anecdotes from the land of dreams

Hi! after the stinkers & hate mails i recevied from my female readers for my last post , i have decided to stop writing such posts ( for a while off course :-)) and write something simple yet funny from my share of memorable happennings from this bada shehar of amreeka.

As destined by the big boss above & desired by you all, here too Sethi Sahib is going through amazing experinces and i write down below first of the series of my anecdotes from here, specially for you.

The Cab Drivers: Sethi Sahib has been on a nomadic journey since last three years. And one thing that Sethi Sahib has discovered that Cab Drivers share same innocence every where. Please Note that I am using the word innocence and not ignorance because they know lot of things but not even God above can guarantee that what they speak is accurate. So they might not be ignorant but their wrong facts make them lovingly innocent.

Given below excerpts of my two interesting conversations with Cabbies in Amreeka for your reading pleasure

Which Country is biggest?

Well this one had all my geographic fundaes going haywire.

Cabbie: Hey man where are u from?

Sethi Sahib: I come from India buddy.

Cabbie: Oh, great, that’s a very big country. (Sethi Sahib is happy to hear that and glad to know that at least here the drivers are not innocent :-))

But I guess I was wrong from the beginning as from here the conversation starts Going in different direction

Sethi Sahib: Thanks. Yes it’s indeed one of the big nations.

Cabbie: Yes! I know. Its even bigger than America (Sethi Sahib is taken aback!.. Shocked)

Sethi Sahib: Hmmm (What else a man could say in such state)

Cabbie: Yes I know India covers almost one third of the worlds land (Man this is going too much, should I take it a complement or should I correct his facts)

Sethi Sahib: It’s big but I guess not that much.

Cabbie: Might be! But there is one country which is even bigger than India and America

Sethi Sahib: (Mouth wide open, amazingly stupid expression on my face, The one I use to have in my discrete mathematics class in college when I didn’t know what was going around me )
Which country ?

Cabbie: It’s Brazil. No country can be as big as Brazil. It’s almost half of the world with them. So I guess, its Brazil number one, then comes India and then America. What do you say?

Sethi Sahib: Well I never knew that. Thanks for making me aware of this. ( Remembering my third standard Geography Teacher . Why she hated me when I gave the same answers in the class:-)))

And when I Left that taxi, I was the proudest Indian on the Airport :-)

Why Sethi Sahib is not a cab driver?

This conversation after the usual geographical blunders, made me think why the hell was I not a cab driver in AmericaJ
Cab Drivers name is Joe and for a change he knew before hand where I come from. Read below the excerpts

Joe: Buddy I know which part of the world you are from?

Sethi Sahib: Which one (with a tone as inquisitive as if I never knew where I came from)

Joe: I bet you are from Buda pest

Sethi Sahib: (Shocked again! I knew something like this was coming, but still let me try to correct him) No I am from India. (Hoping that he would be grateful to me for this info)

Joe: Yes are right! (Sethi Sahib is relieved to hear that, but then comes the shocker)

Joe: Indeed all Indian guys come from Budapest.

Sethi Sahib: What? (Sethi sahib is scratching his head to find out the logic applied for this syllogism)
Sethi Sahib: (In a vain attempt to set the facts right.) No India is a Separate Nation.

Joe: Yes India is a separate nation in Budapest, you are right!

Sethi Sahib :( Thank God I am right, so before things go out of hand and I loose my remaining ideas about the world Geography, I just hoped he changes the topic.)

And indeed I was right, He changed the topic but he asked me a question, which I feel can single handedly take any guy on this planet, out of his balance. So In case you feel like pushing a guy suddenly off the roof of a twenty storied building without any warnings, this question does the same effect. Because a guy whether married or bachelor , whether young , middle aged or old , whether actor , cricketer or politician , or doctor lawyer or an IT guy like me can never answer this question accurately with best of his abilities .

So here comes the much awaited question

Joe: Do you have a girl friend? (As expected I felt like jumping off a skyscraper without any parachute tied on my back. What should I tell him with which he can relate to All Indians from Budapest? Should I tell him I have five in five different continents or should I say I am still trying to find a girl who can be friend or No girl has found me right enough t to become a friend. In a life threatening situations like this even the thousandth part of the second becomes one whole day but I was relieved of my agony when Joe answered back himself.)

Joe : I have a girlfriend and she is coming today from Budapest ( So this was the reason the world was forced to change its geographical boundaries, A girl can make any sensible man think like the way she wants and this was the living example of that.)

Sethi Sahib: Oh great to know that!

Joe : She is a movie actress and she is shooting in Budapest ( God when this Budapest will leave me but I also wonder alongside that despite all my education and white collared job can I even think of Having a film actress as my girl friend. )

Joe: And that is why I took this trip to Airport because after I drop you, Ill picks her up from there.

SethiSahib: (Still in haze, same previous dialogue) Oh great to know that.!

Joe: And when she comes back you know what I will do.

SethiSahib: (Thinking: Everyone knows Joe that what you will do with your GF, please don’t tell me)

Joe: (Answering himself.) I take out the boat that I bought recently from the parking at the Airport and will take her to the ride on the River tonight.

Seth Sahib: (With same discrete mathematics expression on my face) you own a boat of your own?

Joe: Yes not a big one but it has a bed room, Kitchen and a room for playing pool. I will tie that boat at the rear of my car and leave directly for the river along with her.

Seth Sahib: (Same old Dialogue) Great to know that!

Joe: And then in the morning we will go to my farm in the suburbs and spend the weekend there.

Sethi Sahib: How far is the airport now? (Desperately Trying to change the topic).

But Joe went on till the time I reached the airport. This time on the airport I was wondering and analyzing why I wasted so many years , cramming so much in last 25 years , when , I could have come here straight and only thing that I required to have an actress girlfriend , A personal luxury boat , a farm house in the outskirts was nothing but a simple driving license.

But I guess even if I would have had that shining US driving license. I am sure I would still have been an Indian from the Budapest. Somethings never really change :-))

Universal Love!

Hi, its been a long that I have written something on my blog for you all, but the matter of the fact is that I was not able to find the right story for Seth sahib’s blog . But recently Seth sahib was narrated a story which by another very close friend which I felt I must share with world around me. I feel Sethi Sahib has this uncanny habit of having the right friends with right kind of stories. And that’s how this blog runs :-)

It was explained to me as a love story but knowing the Seth Sahib’s nature you must have guessed what Sethi Sahib would have felt about it. To be very frank I found it one of the best humorous stories ever narrated to me.

Being a part of male fraternity I am pretty much clear about boys view on love but women just amaze me. Given below is my interpretation of the story. Decide it whether its funny, comic tragic or whatever emotion you may find appropriate to relate it to. And if possible please feel free to share your views with Seth Sahib

So here comes the story narrated in the brief but crispy manner. As Sethi Sahib is die hard SRK fan lets name the hero and heroine of this love saga as Raj and Simran.

Now Raj is in the final year college and as it always happens in those times he meets a beautiful lady Simran. Indian Blood in Raj has prevented him to be away from girls till now but now he is on the verge of Hormonal imbalance so he gives himself a go and feels he has fallen in love for this pretty girl.

Now all the movies and programs and magazines Raj has ever read tell him to be nice to girls in order to win their hearts. Now Raj diverts all his energy attention resources, monetary and non monetary for impressing Simran and being nice in what ever possible ways he can.

Simran finds Raj some what different and thinks she can also fall in love with him. Notice the stress on “She Can also fall in love” She is not sure, if she is actually in love but she feels she can. But Raj is convinced that he is in love. He is also convinced that he is in love with 3 other girls too that he has met in the same time when he met Simran. Since his hormones are on all time high he carries on with three other ladies too amply dividing his time and efforts among all the four. A highly skilled Project manger I must say. He now feels he is in love with every beautiful girl in the world.( Never seen so much love around :-). And if you thought that was it then dont worry there is more of love flowing down too :-))

Now coming to Simran part of the love story. Its two years now Simran now thinks she may had fallen in love with Raj. Notice the stress on “She may had fallen in love” This time she is not sure whether she is out of love or still in the love or she still has to fall in love. On the other hand Raj has become a lover boy.

Now enters Mr. A in Simran lives. Now A is brash angry macho, egoistic young man who I guess has already gone through the cycle which Raj is undergoing at present. So now A and Simran feels they are in love. Now Simran Tells Raj we might not be in love “Notice the stress on might not be in love”. Because Raj was too nice to her. She is going with other guy because Raj had no flaws. My dear Readers Can you believe that Girl leaves a guy because he is not having any flaws and she wants someone who is egoistic , brash angry and Mr. A is everything that she has been waiting for years. Brash , angry egoistic just everything .Only God can explain me reasoning behind this thinking or explain women to me.

Raj is relieved hearing this as the now hormonal spike has some what sub dued with time and even he feels that he would be more comfortable dividing his universal love between only three other girls as compared to four and so Mr. Flawless guy bid Simran a flawless farewell.

Now Coming To Mr. A side of love story. Mr. A goes around with Simran for one whole year and he feels Simran has more anger in her than even this angry man has. So Now Mr. A feels he is not in love with Simran and finds another less hot girl to fall in love with once again.

Coming Back to Simran’s world. Simran now feels that she was probably in love with Mr. A. Notice the stress on “Probably in love” and Since its been 4 years of probably being in love its time to get married for her.

Listen to the award winning statements Simran makes “ Ill get married because I have to get married but whenever I remember Mr. A , ill go to the bathroom and cry over him and come back”. Man I am dying out laughing. Go to bath room, cry and then come back and become a loving wife of someone once again.

Situation now. Out of the three other girls Raj felt in love with 2 of them got married. One even has a 2 months old son. The third went abroad for higher studies. Raj has registered himself on Shaadi.com for finding the perfect love.

Mr. A has now married with a girl of his parent’s choice when asked about Simran he replies “Which one? The one in the college or the one in the school? Man I really loved both of them they were one of the best GrAB’s (Growling angry Bitches) I had in my life.”

Simran is getting ready to serve tea today as boys side is coming to their house to a see fair, slim beautiful girl with high traditional values. She has just told mom that she is going to the bathroom and will join her after 15 minutes

And Sethi Sahib is laughing inconsolably on the story , trying to figure out who exactly was in love with whom and on the plight of the girls and boys Raj , Mr. A and Simran would be getting married to. Any answers?